I had visions of how this day would go - this first day of school.
Everyone would wake up happy, excited and a bit nervous. They would pick out clothes from their "new clothes" stash, no issues with bumps or weird texture or itchy tags and then come and eat whatever breakfast I would put in front of them. There would be no complaints about the new homemade granola bars or the lack of pre-packaged school snacks. And with 5 minutes to spare we'd be in the car and on our way.
Oh reality - hello.
Instead of idyllic bliss I heard comments like (please read with whiny voice for full effect): "not that toast - mine has a weird seed in it - I'm not eating it." and "You know mom - I'm not going to eat these granola bars - their gross - don't even bother giving me one as a snack" and "I have nothing to wear. I hate the feeling of all my pants and nothing matches the shirt I picked!".
As well as: "My bag is too full. No I don't want to bring an extra plastic bag - it all must fit in my back pack - mom you are so frustrating." while my other darling starts crying: "now we're going to be late, Ana you're SO annoying, my stomach hurts."
I tried for positivity and patience. Really, I did. But as the 10 year old voice started yelling so did mine. And while I'm telling her to just "DEAL WITH IT" I'm thinking - 'no, no. This is not how I wanted today to go.' I wanted to be positive and kind and loving and confident so they would feel those things too.
We did manage to get out the door, everyone fully clothed, apologies issued and accepted, and no tears (those came later). It was the perfect morning for back to school, sunny and warm with just the right amount of nerves.
Zachary did well. He was scared, I knew he would be but I hugged him and left him in his new classroom wiping his eyes while he waved with one hand. He's gonna do great this year. I feel it in my bones.
It feels like a new start for all of us. I'm 4 weeks out of Herceptin. And it was so great to not wait for the chemo room call last week. My port scar is healing nicely, I have energy, an actual hair style and a trip to Toronto coming on Friday. My mom is walking a 60 km walk to end women's cancers and RBC (the hosts of the walk) offered me a free flight so I could be there with her at the finish line. I'm excited to have a weekend away, to hang out with my family and to continue the celebration of being cancer free.