Monday, May 28, 2012

The joy of the afternoon nap

So it's been a while cause this month has been crazy. My mom came for a visit - which was wonderful and I've been working at a retreat centre run by friends of ours. A bit of office work and room cleaning while the regulars are on holidays. And with doing more stuff comes feeling more tired. I just can't shake it. I sleep well but by 3 or so in the afternoon I'm wasted (I've rediscovered afternoon naps and I'm trying not to feel guilty about them!) It's been good to be busy but I know I need to figure out how to balance work outside our home and the work I have in it! And it's frustrating because I want to feel normal again and it feels like it's taking a long time.

Plus I haven't had enough time to think or write or reflect on life which always makes me feel out of sorts. I've always known that I need time away to feel grounded, but coming out of this year - one of the hardest I've ever experienced - I feel like I need it so much more. Or maybe it just takes longer cause I have more stuff to sort through. Either way - it's a necessity for me.

What I love is that Jesus walks with me through the business. Even though I haven't been able to spend much time with only him he's still tracking with me, sustaining me. I feel his presence in good conversations with Sam, in a much needed nap that leaves me refreshed and not more tired, in lunch out with my mom, and the ability be fully present for my family.

As well as a really positive appointment with my oncologist last week. She was very pleased with my latest scans, how I'm doing in general and my positive attitude. I've had nagging back pain since I started the chemo drug called Paclitaxol way back in August so she checked my last bone scan and it shows the beginning of arthritis in my low back. Annoying, but at least it's not cancer. And she wasn't worried about my fatigue. I'm still in treatment after all, (she reminds me of this every appointment). When I'm done with Herceptin I should start to feel more energy. She also thinks I'm probably doing too much but she'd rather that then the opposite - so I guess I just keep on going.

When I think about what I was heading into last year this time I'm so thankful for where I'm at right now - tiredness and all.