2 Years and Counting

Two years ago I was recovering from 2 surgeries and getting ready for chemo. I still had my hair. I didn't know what was in store for me. And wow - it was so very hard. The hardest thing I've gone through - physically and emotionally. Hard for Sam and the kids. Hard for my mom and dad and Sam's mom and dad. Just Hard.

I had my yearly scans in the past 3 weeks and I'm pleased to report there is no evidence of malignancy. Yippee! Along with my yearly breast MRI I also had a mammogram. I went back forth about having this scan. I've read many many many articles about the risks (it's radiation after all) and the benefits (it's helped detect early pre-cancerous tumours). My family doc supported me not doing it. He felt that I didn't need to be exposed to the extra radiation and that I was covered with the breast MRI but I couldn't say no to it. I tried but it left me feeling exposed and vulnerable. Crazy right? So I had both.

And they're clear! (Well - the mammogram report isn't back yet but I'm holding out hope it will give the same report as the MRI.)

I feel like I can breath for another year. I can plan for things and live.

But I also have felt a little bit down. Not all days are as positive and hopeful as this one is. Some days are a struggle. I struggle to get out of bed, to do normal activities. Some days I'm just sad or overwhelmed. Some days I lack motivation for anything. This spring I've had a hard time being the organized control freak that I usually am. I don't know what we're having for supper and I don't clean my house as regularly. Some days all I want to do is watch Grey's Anatomy on Netflix or read a whole novel. From what I read this is normal and while I'm grateful to be normal I'm ready to be sad less and joyful more often. But it's coming - I can feel it coming!