Awakening

This word, along with a song by the same name, has been on my mind lately. There are many things that have made me feel awake this past month: a family trip to Disney and along with that good connections, activity, exercise, being fully present in different moments. All very good. And on the heels of that, a trip home to my family for Christmas. So very good. Connections, time spent, relaxing, chatting, eating, chatting some more, eating some more. (my juicer is getting a good workout these days as we come down from the Christmas festivities!) I came home tired in body but refreshed in spirit. I felt very awake.

The kids and I arrived home on New Year's Eve. Sam had been spending the day at a conference called re:TURN and we joined him for day 2 on New Year's Day. It was the perfect way to bring in the new year. Letting God touch and restore, heal and revive different parts of my spirit and heart. I felt myself awakening.

God clearly spoke to me, through others and through my soul, some very healing words. And they really worked to bring me fully present with Life. I have dreams, hopes, ambitions and desires. But they've been on the back burner. Not even simmering, but getting cold and congealed and unappealing during the last few years. 'I have not forgotten you,' was one of the words that stuck out to me the most.  'i have not forgotten my plans for you, my purpose.' Those words were definitely awakening.

But lets be honest here for a minute. It's hard to hold onto those words constantly. To always feel like I'm moving forward. This week was back to the grind of school lunches, daily suppers, laundry, cleaning. And it rained - a lot. And I felt blue on more then one occasion. Like I have this opportunity, or even obligation, to really Live. I feel like I've been given a huge wake up call - Don't waste your Life! I know this and I want this but it often overwhelms me to the point of inactivity - so I'll just sit on the couch and read a book or watch stories on tv about people who are actually Living (even if it is fake!). And a whole week goes by and I haven't pursued a dream or even maintained one.

But I do feel more awake then ever. I hold onto the passion I know I have, even when I don't feel it.

Slightly shifting gears: I've wondered for a while now what this blog will become now that I'm cancer free and my life isn't taken up with the grind of appointments, treatments and tests. I'm not going to blog about any one thing. I'm into healthy eating but this won't be a food blog, I like decorating but nope - not enough to blog about it. I read a lot but I won't do book reviews, I'm learning to quilt but this blog won't be about that either. Every day is a chance to grow. Every day is a chance to be something different then you were yesterday. And I know that God is changing me minute by minute if I let him, if I'm open to that. So this blog will continue to be my journey through this life that I don't want to waste. Some days might be funny and light others heavy and sad. Maybe I'll blog about one topic multiple times while I process my way through it. Or maybe I'll jump around a lot. I don't really know :)

I guess we'll find out what this blog will become, together!