Rain and Other Musings

I feel like I've talked about the weather a lot on this blog which is funny cause I'm not really a weather watcher - especially compared to Sam's family, who can be relied upon to know what weather is coming and when and how long it'll last, not only in their own province but also in ours and wherever else family happens to be living. (they are a farming family though - so it's par for the course)

But lately I feel like my moods are mirrored by the weather or perhaps more accurately -- my moods are completely swayed by the weather. And today it's rain...again. (Although to be fair it was a very beautiful day yesterday and I was able to soak up not only sun but some heat too.) After a rainy January, February, March and April it seems like May is destined to be the same. And it's depressing. And I feel no motivation for anything at all. A feeling that is not helped by this pesky little thing we're dealing with called cancer.

It's a weird place to be in - this space where I technically don't have cancer. It's cut out, scans show no signs of it and yet this journey is only just beginning. Treatment is around the next bend which has been hard to wrap my head around this week, especially after the great news of the cancer-free nodes. I don't have a definite treatment plan yet but my surgeon said that by a year from now I should be starting to feel like my old self. And between now and then is the great unknown. In the next 2-3 weeks I'll get an appointment at the cancer centre with an Oncologist and that will give me a better idea about what's next.

Also unhelpful to my motivation levels is my fairly useless left arm. After my first surgery I was very quickly back to normal with good movement, I could do pretty much anything. This time though my arm hurts all the way to my wrist and especially at my elbow so bending and straightening (mostly straightening) is quite sore and I can't reach anything at all above my head. It's given me an appreciation of those who have to live all of life with pain and disability. I'm whining after 2 weeks even with the knowledge that physio will most likely totally fix the problem within a few months. And there are those who live with pain like this always.

So what do I focus on to pull myself out of these doldrums? Well today I was aided by Starbucks and Chapters. My most favourite combination. Friday was a trip to my neighbourhood pedicure place and of course Sam and the kids help a lot. I feel blessed to have a family who totally wants to bless me. Zach has even changed his hug giving routine for me. Instead of tackling me around the waist with his usual bone crusher hugs he's opted for more gentler versions that are no less passionate! (funny enough a few loads of laundry actually helped my mood today too. Yes - I'm a cleaner and not being able to clean has been a bit of a downer this week!)

So that is my weather inspired post for the day. Not profound maybe - but honest. At least until the sun comes out!