Life

Death by cancer is all around us. It always has been, but now, within the reality of my own cancer I think I see it more. Or maybe I think about it with greater awareness. And I often wonder what it is exactly I should be feeling about this.

A cousin of mine was recently taken by cancer. Just this past week we were all confronted with the death of Mr. Layton and more recently in my own city I heard about a woman who died of breast cancer just a mere month and a bit after her diagnosis. Yesterday I found out that David Serven-Schreiber author of the book Anti-Cancer: A new way of Life (a great book about living an anti-cancer life), passed away this summer after a 3rd recurrence of cancer.

Should I feel fear? This same disease that killed these people and countless others was in my body (and may be again) and will always and forever be on my radar. But mercifully fear is not the first thing I feel. After the sadness, the sorrow for family left behind and for a life shortened, I feel anger. Anger that cancer has the power to take life.

And immediately I feel like living. I think I've always been a bit contrary. If you think I should walk I'll decide to run, no I do not want a smaller piece of pie, yes I do want seconds of thai food, yes I can walk for an hour, not just half even though I just had chemo yesterday. (I think I may get this from my dad - but trust me he's way worse :-)

So lately I've been thinking about life. About living. What it means for me now, what I'll do with it. This week when I learned of these unfortunate, devastating deaths I wanted to walk. Up hill. Fast. So I did - maybe not as fast as usual but my heart pumped, my legs burned, and my lungs laboured. My pared down walks a few times around the duck pond without a hill in site are done. I want to Live and I will Walk!

Sam was sharing a few thoughts with me out of Jeremiah 29 the other day and I thought I'd post them here since they speak to Life. The Isrealites are in exile in Babylon and Jeremiah decides to send them a letter. A word from the Lord to the exiles.

I love what he says to them in vs 5. "Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there and do not decrease." and then in vs. 10: For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place.

After which is the famous verses about plans for a hope and a future - a promise that won't come to fruition for 70 years!! This is what I get from these verses. When you are in exile (for 70 years) - LIVE. When you feel like you can't go on - LIVE. When you are missing your family and feel like everything is going against you - LIVE. Keep living. And enjoy it - build your house, eat your food, have a big family and enjoy them.

Okay - that turned into a mini sermon but you get my point. Yes in the back of my mind I worry about recurrence of cancer, leaving my family too soon and all that stuff that fear brings but for today I am alive and I will Live.