More on Living

I was pleasantly surprised to see this above me the first time I laid down on the radiation table.
It's what I get to look at every time I get zapped!

It's crazy how time just keeps moving forward. I've been in the cancer world for 10 months now. 10 MONTHS. It feels like an eternity and like no time at all. When we first started I had no idea what it would feel like to be immersed in something so life changing for such a long period of time.

One thing I've come to realize may seem pretty basic but it's really hit me this week. I'm still me. I still love what I loved before, I still get grouchy when I'm tired and hungry, I still need down time every day and my body is still my body. It may have gone through a bunch of changes that are annoying. I see them, accept them, but at the end of the day I still feel the same inside. Through everything, that is what I need to hold on to. 

At my radiation appointments I've had the opportunity to chat with a number of different people while we wait. Everyone is dealing with cancer. It's a given. And yet the responses are all so different. I met a couple who see this as a minor blip in their retirement (she has breast cancer). They went on a huge 4 week trip between surgery and chemo, and went to Mexico for a week during chemotherapy. Ironically they have the same doctor as I do - the one who told me I shouldn't go home for Christmas because I was still recovering and in the middle of treatment. When I was surprised that the doc had said it was okay to go they laughed and said 'we didn't tell her.' I loved their spirit, the way they Brazenly Lived and just want to be done so they can live some more.

Today the Radiation Oncologist I saw (not my normal doctor) had some really good things to say. I was asking him (again - I ask everyone) about Lymphedema, specifically about getting a compression sleeve. I don't have any symptoms but I worry about it constantly. He was a nice East Indian man who looked at me and smiled. 'Don't treat something you don't have,' he said and then went on to say - just keep doing what you're doing - arm/chest stretches, exercise, things that get the lymph moving. Then as if I might not have gotten what he meant he looked at me again and said, 'So  many people in this world - you, me, everyone - we have a tendency to worry about things and anticipate problems that will most likely never happen. Don't do that."

That is exactly how I've tried to deal with things this year. So why am I worrying so much about lymphedema before I even have one symptom. Yes I have a risk, and if I did have swelling or something I should get it checked out quickly but right now I don't. And I may never. So thank you to the tender doctor who took the time to relieve me of fear. Peace is not what I usually feel when I leave doctor's appointments at the hospital but it's what I felt today and I like this feeling better!

Two more radiation treatments left. I'm onto the "boost" portion of my treatment. One zap instead of 7, a quick 5 minutes in and out. I'm so relieved to finally be done and just in time for Christmas holidays. The kids will be off and we'll have nothing on the calendar - love it.