Yesterday I saw a trillium while walking in the woods. Growing up in Ontario, finding a trillium on a walk was always a special occurrence. They grew wild but we were never allowed to pick them for fear they wouldn't come back the next year. Yesterday that trillium spoke hope to me. And today, after hearing that I'll need surgery again, I cling to that hope.Knowing I'll have to sit through another day of waiting and the terrible feeling of waking up after anesthetic so soon after the last time isn't something I relish but it is what is. The good news is that the margins were clear around the tumor but the bad news is the lymph node was positive for cancer - so more nodes to be tested. I remind myself often that there is a process - a check list - and the steps are important, despite the weeks of uncertainty between one step and the next.
I received a little booklet from a friend just before my last surgery and found it today under a pile of papers. 40 Days with Jesus by Sarah Young. It's 40 days of short devotions written as Jesus speaking to us. Today I read this:
Taste and see that I Am Good. The more intimate you experience Me, the more convinced you become of My goodness. I am the Living One who sees you and longs to participate in your life. I am training you to find Me in each moment and to be a channel of My loving Presence. Sometimes My blessings come to you in mysterious ways: through pain and trouble. At such times you can know My goodness only through your trust in Me. Understanding will fail you, but trust will keep you close to Me.
Thank Me for the gift of My Peace, a gift of such immense proportions that you cannot fathom its depth or breadth. When I appeared to My disciples after the resurrection, it was Peace that I communicated first of all. I knew this was their deepest need: to calm their fears and clear their minds. I also speak Peace to you, for I know your anxious thoughts. Listen to Me! Tune out other voices, so that you can hear Me more clearly. I designed you to dwell in Peace all day, every day. Draw near to Me; receive My Peace.
I wonder if Jesus hid that book from me until today when I needed it most?
Surgery is April 18th. I'll stay over night this time but will be home sometime Tuesday.
I'm sorry to hear about another surgery date looming in your future... I will pray for the waiting period to feel quick (or at least distracted) and that God will bring many sunny hope-filled days in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteGod is good, He saved that devotional under a pile of papers for just the right timing. I am glad and I too am soaking in the words you have shared.
ReplyDeleteI am thankful for clear margins, an answer to prayer! I continue to pray peace to you and Sam and the kids and I will pray clear understanding and successful surgery on the 18th. I wish you didn't have to have another surgery. Definitely praying peace over you!
Heidi, I am sorry you have to endure another surgery and the post-op "yucks". Love you and praying
ReplyDeletePraise the Lord that the area around the lymph node was clear. This is great news! I am sorry that you do have to go through another surgery. That part is not fun at all. I will be praying for you that this time when you wake up the nausea is not too bad and the recovery time is short. I will also pray for your Sam and your children as they wait as well. Wait upon the Lord and He shall RENEW your Strength!
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